Crime comedy

When I was a detective I was in a flat on a case......I got off and opened the case to look inside for clues, but it was empty......a blonde walked past the window and I thought, that's odd, she must be tall as we're on the third floor......suddenly my mobile rang, which was even more 'odderer' as they hadn't even been invented yet......there was a tap at the door and I mused, what a funny place to leave a tap......then......the door opened......it was the blonde......my heart skipped a beat......my kidneys began to dance......then all my organs began to play (steady)......it was very noisy......I told them to, 'Shut it'......they asked, 'What the door?'......the blonde rolled her eyes at me......so I picked them up and rolled them back......the temperature tulip-ed.........sorry, rose......when I kissed her......she screamed......I kissed her again, but this time I took the cigar out of my mouth......we heard footsteps......we both froze......I kissed her yet again and we soon defrosted......there was another tap at the door......I went to turn it off and the door opened......there was a man standing there with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, who asked, 'Have you got a light Mac?'......I replied, 'No, I've gotta dark brown overcoat.'......He said, 'Cut the lip,'......So I did and he bled to death.....I squashed him into the case and shut the lid......case closed!!!