Tuesday, 19 August 2008

My latest crime novel opening - would you read on...?

Prologue

Soon.
It would be soon.
It was strengthening.
The urge teased his soul, jabbing at his heart. He passionately believed it was the right thing to do, but could he do it? The proverbial devil and angel on each shoulder were at odds again. There was now an intensification he was struggling to contain. It was only a matter of time until he succumbed. Of this he was certain. Vulnerability accompanied the urge, an apprehension of the inevitable, of the imminence, and of the severe consequences.
After all, someone had to do something.
He stared at his reflection in the vertical mirror, psyching himself up, before purposely pulling on a pair of black leather gloves, a faint tremble of his hands, more in anticipation than fear. However, he knew fear was good, for it provided focus. An unwavering determination expunged any latent self doubt. He tied the laces of his walking boots tightly before rolling the hem of his black combat pants over them. The black trench coat was his funeral coat and a cloak of grief engulfed him as he put it on, resurrecting memories, reinforcing the urge. The Navy blue woollen hat completed his attire and he gazed into the full length mirror musing that his uniform was ironically not too dissimilar to that worn by the enemy – colour-wise any way, a tactical choice for both he and them.
He slid the retractable baton up his left sleeve and headed for the door, perversely relieved that he had finally chosen, and the deliberations were concluded. He hesitated momentarily to consider his last minutes as a respected member of society, of a society that was on its’ last legs like an ailing animal, but he was the antidote. Picturing his brother a surge of emotion engulfed him, though he didn’t slam the door. After all, there was control…
…for now…

14 comments:

Matt Hilton Author said...

Hi Col, just read your intro. it's the kind of story i'd read. I guess the guy is reluctant to do what must be done but has also resolved himself to doing something that would normally go against his nature. mentioning the brother but not what has happened to him is a good hook. Good luck and keep going.
Matt

Lexia said...

Yes, I WOULD read on , and it's NOT the type of story I would usually read ! So there you go - you "hooked" your reader. Good luck.

Col B said...

Matt & Lexia, thanks for your kind comments. Let's hope the publishers think the same when the time comes.

Lori said...

It is a very catchy beginning. I like the description of his combat clothes, which seems like a ritual that transforms him.
It gets the reader intrigued about what exactly he is going to do. When is that revealed?

Col B said...

Lori, thanks for your comments. I'm entering The Debut Dagger so I'm remaining fairly reticent until the results of that are announced next year (it's a long shot, but, hey, if you don't buy a ticket...). He's basically miffed at society, especially a certain group within it! Sorry for being vague.

Chris said...

Hi Col,
Hope you are well, yes I'd read on and look forward to it being published. Cheers
Chris

Col B said...

Hiya, Chris.
I'm fine thanks, mate, and thanks for your feedback; it spurs me on. I hope the music's going well and if you need any lyrics, just give me a shout - I'm full of ideas as you may've gathered!

Col B said...

Sarah Harris (via Facebook)

Today at 12:00am
Hi Col
Just had a look at your blog and mate you have a real talent for this so damn well keep at it. It's certainly the sort of thing I would read and will continue to read on. well done mate and don't give up.
See you soon xxx

Thanks, Sarah. It's really nice of you to say so and it does spur me on.
I've entered a few comps to hopefully get the ball rolling, so fingers crossed.
X

Col B said...

Comment Author: Carol (from Writers News Talkback)

As I'm not into crime fiction I couldn't tell you whether that is a good or bad opening. but it set the character well, as I wasn't sure if he was a policeman or some sort of vigilante by the clothing he was putting on. Does that make sense to you?
I understood that he was stepping over the line in some way, and for a reason.

Comment Author: Celtic C (from Writers News Talkback)

Are you going to do anything with that short piece? You've written it, you've put it out to Jo(sephine) Public - don't just stop there.....

And you've obviously got some idea where you're going with your story - keep writing ColB - the potential is there (reckon you own me a few oatcakes now... )

Thanks for your input, ladies.
Carol, it's a vigilante.
Clare, I've entered the Debut Dagger - oatcakes on way!!!

Col Bury said...

For a deadly taster of my vigilante in action, go to to...

http://thrillskillsnchills.blogspot.com/

John said...

Hi Col,
Yes. I'd read on.
I like that you are giving your character his 'accoutrements'. Just like Bond and his special gadgets from 'Q', or Robin Hood and his Bow and Quiver of arrows. This is all in the best Mythological traditions.

Can I suggest:

'The flavour of fear heightens the senses'?

and

He felt as if he had Satan on one shoulder and a Saint on the other.

Now I'm going to have a look at who your character is!
Regards

John

Col Bury said...

Hi, John,
Thanks for your kind words and suggestions.
Regards,
Col

Paul Brazill said...

Yep, very good stuff. Drags you to the next part.

Col Bury said...

Hey, Paul - thanks for the feedback. If YOU would read on then I know I'm on track!