Thursday, 21 August 2008

Crime comedy

When I was a detective I was in a flat on a case......I got off and opened the case to look inside for clues, but it was empty......a blonde walked past the window and I thought, that's odd, she must be tall as we're on the third floor......suddenly my mobile rang, which was even more 'odderer' as they hadn't even been invented yet......there was a tap at the door and I mused, what a funny place to leave a tap......then......the door opened......it was the blonde......my heart skipped a beat......my kidneys began to dance......then all my organs began to play (steady)......it was very noisy......I told them to, 'Shut it'......they asked, 'What the door?'......the blonde rolled her eyes at me......so I picked them up and rolled them back......the temperature tulip-ed.........sorry, rose......when I kissed her......she screamed......I kissed her again, but this time I took the cigar out of my mouth......we heard footsteps......we both froze......I kissed her yet again and we soon defrosted......there was another tap at the door......I went to turn it off and the door opened......there was a man standing there with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, who asked, 'Have you got a light Mac?'......I replied, 'No, I've gotta dark brown overcoat.'......He said, 'Cut the lip,'......So I did and he bled to death.....I squashed him into the case and shut the lid......case closed!!!

6 comments:

Lexia said...

Very clever - and funny !! Reminiscences of "Airplane" :)

Keep going - that;s good stuff !

Col B said...

Cheers, Lexia. Thanks for the encouragement. I will definitely keep going...where? I'm not sure!

Matt Hilton Author said...

Good witty stuff this.
"Surely you can't be serious?" I hear you ask.
I am serious, but stop calling me Shirley!

Col B said...

Cheers, Matt. Love Airplane - what about: 'Ever seen a grown man naked?!' I hope the novels are coming along. Don't you just love a deadline (scary stuff!).

Sandra Patterson said...

Ha ha! Like it, Col! Move over, Raymond Chandler.

Paul D. Brazill said...

Very good. a touch of the Tommy cooper about it.